Summer at Its Best
Recently I asked one of my young patients, “So how many days til the end of school?
“Fourteen and a half,” he said instantly.
Many of the kids I treat really do count the days. The effort to produce academically when there’s a difficulty with learning or regulating behavior can push children to the limit. The relief of being free of school, of no longer being judged on the basis of activities that often make these children feel they are at a disadvantage, creates a sense of buoyancy and lightness. Everything in daily life gets easier over the summer for the children, but also for their parents. Or it can, if you keep a few simple guidelines in mind.
- Don’t recreate the pressures of school at home. Some parents are so focused on the challenges of the school year that they forget to create an atmosphere in which a child can relax and feel good about himself or herself. Even kids who benefit from tutoring over the summer should have at least one week of every four when there’s no work to do. This is the time to travel, play, pursue a hobby or sport, sleep late, and see friends.
- Monitor screen and phone time. A couple hours a day of computer time, video games, or talking on the phone can be a pleasure for a child and is often a social experience. But too much time in front of a screen interferes with the chance to focus on a personal passion – an activity that the child really loves or a skill that a child could develop.
- Monitor your own screen and phone time, too! If you have a chance to be with your child—pushing a stroller, driving a car pool, or spending an evening at home—stay off the computer and/or phone and talk to your kid about what you’re both seeing, feeling and thinking. Discuss movies, books, a game you’ve seen. Make a meal together and eat it at leisure.
- Relax! Not every moment should be purposeful and productive. Don’t pack your child’s schedule or your own. Leave time to think and take walks. Give in to (positive!) impulses. If your child comes down to breakfast talking about dinosaurs, draw dinosaurs together, jump in the car and go to the Field Museum, head for the library to get dinosaur books, or together do a computer search on dinosaurs.
- Model the behaviors you want your children to learn. Sign up to clean a beach or deliver meals on wheels. Build something for Habitat for Humanity with your teenager.
- Foster relationships with your extended family. A visit to grandparents, a week playing with cousins, going to museums with a favorite aunt, or learning to fish with a favorite uncle, can make a child’s summer memorable.
- Let children help to plan and organize trips and activities. All too often children who lack organizational skills are asked to develop them around activities they don’t enjoy such as homework or tutoring. They’ll have a lot more incentive to strengthen their skills planning a trip to Great America or scheduling things to do during a cousin’s visit.
- Let summer be a time to experience new possibilities. Children—particularly those who struggle during the school year – need to know they’re not boxed in by the status quo. One of the activities they try for the first time this summer—horseback riding, painting, SCUBA diving—could become a long-term passion, a source of self-worth, and a connection to the world.